From The Dallas Morning News...

Civil courts reporter Michael Grabell says this filing has his vote for lawsuit of the year:

Jonathan Lee Riches © (who writes his name with a copyright symbol) has filed a lawsuit in Dallas federal court against 13 organizations including the Holy Land Foundation, the Make-A-Wish Foundation and the Jerry Lewis Telethon. He alleges a massive global Jewish conspiracy headquartered at the Sixth Floor Museum and orchestrated by none other than …Madonna.
Among other allegations, the self-proclaimed "Ambassador for Inmate Lawsuits" contends that the charities roam American streets with donation cups raising money for a "Jewish new world order." He also says that several Hollywood actors who won Emmys are actually rabbis supported by Phil Collins.
"Defendants extorted me on 7-7-07, taking my money from my prison account and giving the money to Michael Vick to buy Torah scrolls for the Boy Scouts to make Boy Scout cookies laced with deadly Jewish spices made by Pepsi, which stands for Paying Each Penny Supports Israel," he claims in his handwritten lawsuit from federal prison in South Carolina.
"Defendants have their secret headquarters at the Texas School Book Depository on the 6th Floor with Oswald and Lyndon B. Johnson as a security guard, Blackwater USA," he continues. "This headquarters is a staging ground to spread Jewish perversion in Americans' water supply and Enron power and Adelphia Communications, backed by WorldCom's CEO Ebbers, his family, and BTK followers in Kansas, going to restrooms in Minnesota, swinging American's minds with Hank Aaron's bat."
So who is this man with a seemingly encyclopedic knowledge for news?
According to Wikipedia, this isn't Mr. Riches' first go-around with conspiracy theories. Mr. Riches, who was convicted in Houston for his role in an identity theft ring, made international news last month when he filed another lawsuit claiming that Michael Vick stole his pit bulls.
He has filed 40 federal lawsuits since January 2006, including seven this week. And they always manage to string together the latest headlines. Among them:
*That Lebron James, Michael Jordan, Mickey Mantle and other sports figures broke into Watergate, picked on him in high school and fought in the Battle of Hastings in 1066.
*That Barry Bonds used Hank Aaron's bat to crack the Liberty Bell.
*That Larry King is a voodoo witch doctor who stole his identity and used it buy lead paint.
And that's just this summer. The rest are compiled on Wikipedia.

The Neighbor...

I swear my building is like Melrose Place/Wisteria Lane/Dallas. I love living where I do. I also have great neighbors. Nice, quiet, hard working individuals who pick up the paper or a package for you when you are away, etc. A nice quiet neighbor is a blessing. I have often wondered about what these people do. I am not sure I know what the ladies across the hall do. I know one travels a lot. My other neighbor helps manage a café and the other neighbor, whose loft backs up to mine, is a whore. Yes folks I live next to a call girl/prostitute/hoochie/ho-what ever you want to call the world's oldest profession-that is her occupation. I don't care what she does as long as I don't have to hear it going on-if you know what I mean. She has been nothing but nice to me and has been, surprisingly, very quiet. I rarely ever hear a peep from her. I started hearing rumors that she was a "model" which turned to the rumor she was a call girl. I was curious so I went online and found her website(s). Yipes! I now know wayyyyy to much about her! For about 400 bucks an hour you can partake in her companionship. She is in the process of moving out. In a way it is a good thing and in another I will miss having such a quiet neighbor. These days many people do not really get to know the people they are living around. In the good ole days everyone knew each other. Now, not so much. I must say that I am guilty of not knowing my neighbors well and in this instance I wish I had not gone digging around on the internet. Oh well. I just hope my next neighbor will be just as quiet. Let's just hope they aren't a crack dealer

The New Dog Part 3...

On Monday Moses became half the man he used to be. I took Tuesday off to make sure he was ok. He is perfectly fine. He has been sleeping a lot and I have noticed that he is a little more laid back than before. I am hoping that the neuter will eventually calm his barking while I am away. At this point cutting off his balls has only made his bark higher pitched. I got him a larger crate so he has more room. I even purchased a new stereo to help drown out his barking (that and I just wanted a new stereo). This still does not calm the beast. I am still using the "behavior collar" and it does work but not in the beginning. The sadistic little bastard barks right through it for about 5 minutes. I put him in the closet which is further away from my neighbors. The clothes help absorb the sound but only about 10%. I have to put pillows around the kennel and close the closet door and then turn on the stereo. If I don't do this then his bark will most definitely peel pain off the walls. His wark (whine/bark) is so unnerving that it sounds like 1) Ms. Kitty is stabbing him or 2) he is being ass raped or 3) both of these. The sound is horrifying and it can be heard from the third floor-I live on four-I am not kidding! Although it doesn't last long it still breaks my heart. He does not want me to leave and I simply cannot allow him run of the apartment because of his barking. My neighbors have done everything but kill me and I am afraid that might be next. So I have been keeping him in the closet and I have had no complaints. I mean at one point, building management removed him from my apartment and kept him in the office all day. I am not giving up. I am trying to not use the collar as well. It is hard to believe that such a sound can come from a 5 lb animal. When I get home he is thrilled to see me and he seems to forget that he has been in that kennel all day. I take him for his walk and he frolics in the grass. Overall, a happy little fellow-until I leave.

The New Dog Part 2...

It has been 8 days since I acquired Moses. Despite the sound barrier breaking barking issue he has been a blessing in disguise! His separation anxiety is worse than anything I have ever seen! For the most part I fixed the problem. The lady at PetSmart tried to talk me into an animal behaviorist. Um, no. I am not sending my dog to a doggie shrink. Although I wouldn't mind having The Dog Whisperer come and whisper to Moses. If anyone is going to see a shrink on my dime it is going to be me. M'kay!! Anyway, Sunday Ron and I gave Moses a bath. He just stood there and let me bathe him. We then blow-dried him and he didn't mind. After we let him go he ran all over the apartment with much gusto, rubbing his face all over everything. So CUTE! I am an early riser-around 6am. Since I take a shower the night before it takes me less time in the morning to get ready and that only takes 10 minutes since I can wear whatever to work. Now I must get up around 5:30am and take him out to the bathroom. I don't mind really. It gets both of us on a routine. This morning I took him out and when I got back to the apartment I picked him up and said goodbye for the day. Well apparently he stepped in poo outside because I noticed a streak of dog crap on my shirt! I rode all the way to the office with shit on my clothes….nice, real nice. Fortunately I noticed before everyone showed up at the office. I almost decided to go by a new shirt right then and there but I wiped it out with a wet cloth. Nothing like a shitty start to a Tuesday morning.