A magnificent obsession…

I have never written about this issue before. I felt that it was time to address it. I have a problem, an addiction if you will, to pointy things. Basically a pointy thing is a paper napkin or other paper-like product fashioned into a sharp point by tightly folding the paper until the end is sharp and pointy. Pointy things are also made well from crisp sheets or a stiff cotton shirt. I know this all sounds weird and that's because it is. I emptied out the murse (man purse) this morning and discovered 22 pointy things bunched up in several pockets. Every time I go to a fast food establishment I am given more napkins than needed. I don’t throw these away-no, no. I embrace them as my own. I stash them away in the murse, a drawer, the glove compartment, etc for future use as a pointy thing. Some establishments have better quality paper products than others. Jack-in-the-Box has great, long-lasting napkins. Starbucks has really nice ones as well but the paper will tend to disintegrate after about an hours use, causing a little mess. This is typical of recycled paper but I don’t mind at all. The thicker the paper the better in most cases. The napkins at work are wonderful for making pointy things. They have about an eight hour life span then they are useless. What do I do with these pointy things you ask? Well I will tell you. I poke myself with them. I don’t know why I do this. I really do not believe that this is a nervous habit. It is just something I do and have done since I was a little boy. My mother was the one to coin the term “pointy thing.” She has washed many a pant that has come out of the dryer with a shredded PT. A washed PT can cause a little mess in the laundry especially when the paper is big like a paper towel. Speaking of…paper towels are not the best PT’s. They are thin and flimsy but make a decent substitute. Might I suggest the select-a-size versions of the paper towel? The best PT’s in my opinion are cocktail napkins. These are course in texture and make a very sharp, long-lasting PT. I love the cocktail napkins on American Airlines. I usually like to snag a few before leaving the plane so that I may savor their pointiness for later. So this is, has been, and probably will be an obsession until the day I die. I can’t help it.

Sporn…

Spam+Porn=Sporn.

Every time I sign into yahoo messenger I get several offline messages for porn sites. It is kind of funny in a way. Yesterday I received one that said “Hi, my name is Ginger and I like to ride hard cock! Cum visit my site!” This morning the message said “Pee on me.” Classy stuff people, classy stuff.

Escalator etiquette…

Queue to the right people! Living in London I came accustomed very quickly to using the escalators in the Tube. London has some of the longest escalators in the world. People who ride know to stand to the right. This clears the left side for people who want to walk it. There is always some fool (tourist) who will stand on the left, blocking the path. So back in the USA, I get super annoyed when people do not move or “queue to the right.” This just ticks me off to no end. I like to walk the escalators and the crotch holding homeboy with saggy pants just standing there blocking everyone just makes me wanna throw him over the railing. Just please move over.

Fall has arrived...

I just love the first cold snap of the season! This means the time has arrived for stews and soups, cashmere sweaters, hot toddies and dark beer, thick house socks, scarves, cuddling up, and bundling up. I have started replacing my summer attire with my fall/winter stuff. I am so excited. My cooler weather clothing is more luxurious and more comfortable than my summer stuff. This is my favorite time of year. Right around the end of October is when I feel great, I sleep great, my attitude is great. I think ‘peachy’ sums it all up. I had the windows open last night while sleeping and was in heaven. The temperature fell to about 48 I think and I slept like a baby under the warm covers.

Time...

We go through life meeting people everyday. Sometimes those people we meet have some sort of impact on our lives. That impact, being either positive or negative, is entirely inconsequential. You see someone on the street, a plane, a train, etc and think “that person looks familiar to me” or “I know that person from somewhere. This has happened to me many times. A few months ago I ran into a guy I went to high school with. I hadn’t seen him in eight years. He remembered me and we caught ourselves up on each other’s lives then parted ways. Yesterday, as I made my way home, there were two gentlemen sitting behind me and I could not help but overhear their conversation. They knew each other from somewhere but were stumped to know how their paths had crossed in the past. Did they work together? No. Did they go to school together? No. This went on for about 15 minutes. Then it dawned on one of them how he knew the other. He asked “I think we did time together!” The other man laughed and said “That’s right! We did do time together!” I sat there and smiled and thought about how we meet certain people in the most unlikely of places.

The Sandman...

As a youngling I would try and stay up as late as I could and for no good reason except to just stay up. My mother would tell me that if I didn’t go to bed that the Sandman would come and sprinkle sand in my eyes. This absolutely terrified me. I would bolt up and run to my bed. My heart pounding in my ears. My body trembling from the sheer terror of the thought of a stranger sprinkling sand in my eyes. I specifically remember a moment that will stick with me forever. I was pushing the envelope of the witching hour really hard. My mother would insist that I go to bed. I always protested. Finally, she said that the Sandman would soon come. Again, I protested. This would continue for a while. Then I heard a knock at the front door. I don’t think my feet hit the floor once as I flew into my bedroom. Later in life my mother would explain to me that she had never known any child as terrified of the sandman as I was. She told me that the sandman was a gentle person and that he only brought happy dreams and a good night sleep. I thought she was full of crap! She used my fear to her advantage and it worked!

According to folklore and my mother:
The Sandman is a character in popular Western folklore who brings good sleep and dreams by sprinkling magic sand onto the eyes of children. Traditionally he is a character in many children's stories, invoked to help (or lull) children to sleep. He is said to sprinkle sand or dust on or into the eyes of the child at night to bring on dreams and sleep. The grit or 'sleep' (rheum) in one's eyes upon waking is supposed to be the result of the Sandman's work the previous evening.

And the following is what I believed:
E.T.A. Hoffmann wrote an inverse depiction of the lovable character in a story called Der Sandmann, which showed how sinister such a character could be made. According to the protagonist's nurse, he threw sand in the eyes of children who wouldn't sleep, with the result of those eyes falling out and being collected by the Sandman, who then takes the eyes to his iron nest on the moon, and uses them to feed his children. The protagonist of the story grows to associate this nightmarish creature with the genuinely sinister figure of his father's associate Coppelius.

I have grown out of my fear of the Sandman. My brother makes fun of me from time to time about this but then I inform him that at least I was not terrified of E.T.!

Moses was violated....

Last night I was walking Moses near the poo poo park on Browder St. Well, this other, really cute dog, comes up and they immediately start sniffing each other. Well, the other dog, who was much bigger, took moses from behind! Seriously! The dog grabbed Moses with his front legs and held tight and then began humping my dog! Moses looked at me like "help me please!" I was laughing my butt off!! Poor thing! The dog's owner was very apologetic and laughed only after I did. She told me that he was just neutered. Guess he was having phantom pains or something. HA!

Annie Lennox--The Concert...

Last night Ron and I attended the Annie Lennox concert and it was spectacular. The house was packed and Annie was brilliant. The woman gets better looking and better sounding with every passing moment. The stage was simple and elegant, no fancy and over-the-top special effects. She doesn’t need them as her voice, her style, and her mere presence is all the effects one needs. She packed 17 songs into 75 minutes-both new and old-and the crowd went wild for each and every one! Here is the song lineup:

1. No More I Love You’s
2. Little Bird
3. Walking on Broken Glass
4. Pavement Cracks
5. Dark Road
6. Smithereens
7. Here Comes the Rain Again
8. A Thousand Beautiful Things
9. Sisters are Doing It for Themselves
10. Cold
11. Would I Lie To You?
12. Ghosts In My Machine
13. When Tomorrow Comes
14. Thorn In My Side
15. Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)
16. Sing
17. Why

The DMN review can be found here:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/ent/stories/DN-lennox_1015gl.ART.State.Edition1.3861418.html

My review: SIMPLY FABULOUS!

It was the second highlight of my year!

Annie Lennox...

This glorious Sunday will be heavenly indeed as Ron and I will be enjoying the musical genius of the incomparable Annie Lennox in concert! I will post details after the concert!

National Coming Out Day….

Apparently this day was yesterday Oct 11. Wow! There is seriously a day for everything. I think this day is stupid, this National Coming Out Day bull shit. Coming out of the closet can be difficult enough. Coming out should be done on your own time, not Oct 11 specifically. I suppose that some people need a reason…you know when you are ready to come out and Oct 11 is not special date. If you feel comfortable with this then that is fine but don’t use this date a point of no return. Come out when you are ready and only when you are ready! It just ticks me off to see a booth positioned in gayborhoods where you can ‘register’ your coming out. WTF??? Why do you need to register for this? This isn’t like signing up for the draft or a damn MasterCard! Ugh. Oh, by the way…it is the day after National Coming Out and I am GAY! I am a Homo! A Trouser Trooper! A Fudge Packer! A Butt Pirate—argggg! Thanks! I feel much better now! HA!

The new dog part 4…the Yorkshire Terrorist….

Well, Mr. Moses has certainly come into his own. A few weeks ago I took Moses to get neutered. Since the whacking of his testicles he has become more aggressive and playful. Kinda odd but you never know what will become of a dog once they loose their balls. He is still the best little dog ever and I have had no regrets about taking him into my home. The barking issue has still been an issue until this week. My vet is also an animal behaviorist. I made an appointment and we went to see her last Saturday. We talked and I explained the situation. She told me that he just doesn’t like being alone—which I knew. But what I wanted to know was how to fix this problem of the ass-rape sounding barking. So $100 bucks later I walk out of there feeling a little hopeful and with D.A.P. in hand. This device resembles a Glade Plug-In™ (I love using the ™ symbol) air freshener. D.A.P. stands for “Dog Appeasing Pheromone.” Here is the product description:

Developed for pet owners by veterinarians, D.A.P.™ (Dog Appeasing Pheromone) mimics the properties of the natural pheromones of the lactating female. Within three to five days after giving birth, the female generates pheromones that give their puppies a sense of well-being and reassurance, known as appeasing pheromones. Pheromones are picked up and detected by an animal's sense of smell producing specific responses. By replicating this signal of comfort, D.A.P.™ helps alleviate fear and stress related signs in the puppy and adult dog.

I was skeptical about this but decided that, at this point, I would try anything! I plugged this in near his kennel when I got home from the vet. Then on Monday I placed him in his kennel before leaving for the office. He didn’t bark at all!! I stood outside my loft just waiting....nothing. It has been this way all week! He has not barked at all-not even a whine! This isn’t a drug or a sedative and only dogs can sense this. It apparently does not work for every dog but it certainly works for mine. No more shock collar, no more wanting to beat him senseless, no more disturbing the neighbors. He is growling more at other dogs and basically has become more aggressive but it is still super cute. When he plays he looks like he is going to bite you as he lunges toward your face. He is actually smiling big! But it looks ferocious and evil. Infact, he will barely just nibble on you and lick you clean!

DART Lazies...

There was an article this morning in the paper about people complaining that the trains are to cramped and they have no place to sit. Poor poor babies! People are so damn lazy! Mass transit is an option, not a requirement for people in this region. If you want to sit on your ride to work either get to the station earlier, later, or drive. This ticks me off! As more and more people opt to utilize our growing transit system things are getting more crowded. I don’t complain. Places like New York and London are crowded all the time. It is just the way things are. However, these yokels around here want the same comfort on a train as their own vehicle provides. First of all, I have no sympathy for the folks who attempt to escape the sinister ways of an ever expanding downtown. They buy cookie-cutter houses that are within 1 foot of each other and send their children to “good schools.” They are just fooling themselves, sinister ways are everywhere and they cannot escape reality-no matter how hard you try. Anyway, that is for another blog I suppose. What kills me is that these people move out to places within 20 minutes of the Oklahoma border and complain that their commute on DART takes to long into Downtown. At this point the farthest station is Parker Road-way the heck up there. That commute from Parker to Pearl Station takes about 30 or so minutes. If they drove that distance during rush hour then you are looking at over an hour. So they are unhappy that they have to stand sometimes. Get some exercise people! If you are working downtown then chances are that you sit at a desk for 8 hours. I am so sick of people being so lazy and complain that the trains do not have enough seating for everyone. Each train car seats about 75 people and can accommodate another 60-70 standing. During rush hour there are at least 3 cars attached. This amounts to a trip capacity of over 400+ and with the rush hour trains running every 10 minutes…..you do the math. People are just so damn lazy I just wanna scream! Another complaint was that the seats are too small. Well, I am sorry; this ain’t first class on British Airways! This is mass transit!! If the seats are to small then the likelihood of your ass being too big is about 99.9%. There are several strategies for claiming a seat on a rush hour train. God forbid that lazy people should have to think, much less strategize. Sheesh!

I Was Violated...

This morning, as I made my way to the office, I was violated! The obviously gay homosexual sitting next to me (who is also trying to cling to his youth by bleaching his hair) touched my butt. I am not kidding! As I was getting up to exit at my stop he touched my arse. This could have been on accident but somehow I doubt it. My butt was looking good in the jeans I had on so why would anyone not wanna touch my butt? HA! Anyway, I turned to look at him expecting a quick apology but none was given. I through him a dirty and disgusted look, the look that is reminiscent of a Miranda Priestly, and exited my mass transit vessel. Dirty old queen! There is only on man who is allowed to touch me like that on purpose and that is Ron. How ballsy can one guy be? To touch another man’s toosh and look at me like he meant to do it takes major guts. I can understand doing this on accident when the trains/buses are full during rush hour or something. I mean, in New York City you can board the Lexington Avenue Express during rush hour and achieve orgasm before you get to your stop from the crowd of people pressed up against you. But when it isn’t crowded there should be no reason to fondle anyone.

Hey everyone!

This site is replacing MySpace. I have transfered all the blogs I have done on MS and posted them on here for your reading pleasure. There will be more to come!!

From The Dallas Morning News...

Civil courts reporter Michael Grabell says this filing has his vote for lawsuit of the year:

Jonathan Lee Riches © (who writes his name with a copyright symbol) has filed a lawsuit in Dallas federal court against 13 organizations including the Holy Land Foundation, the Make-A-Wish Foundation and the Jerry Lewis Telethon. He alleges a massive global Jewish conspiracy headquartered at the Sixth Floor Museum and orchestrated by none other than …Madonna.
Among other allegations, the self-proclaimed "Ambassador for Inmate Lawsuits" contends that the charities roam American streets with donation cups raising money for a "Jewish new world order." He also says that several Hollywood actors who won Emmys are actually rabbis supported by Phil Collins.
"Defendants extorted me on 7-7-07, taking my money from my prison account and giving the money to Michael Vick to buy Torah scrolls for the Boy Scouts to make Boy Scout cookies laced with deadly Jewish spices made by Pepsi, which stands for Paying Each Penny Supports Israel," he claims in his handwritten lawsuit from federal prison in South Carolina.
"Defendants have their secret headquarters at the Texas School Book Depository on the 6th Floor with Oswald and Lyndon B. Johnson as a security guard, Blackwater USA," he continues. "This headquarters is a staging ground to spread Jewish perversion in Americans' water supply and Enron power and Adelphia Communications, backed by WorldCom's CEO Ebbers, his family, and BTK followers in Kansas, going to restrooms in Minnesota, swinging American's minds with Hank Aaron's bat."
So who is this man with a seemingly encyclopedic knowledge for news?
According to Wikipedia, this isn't Mr. Riches' first go-around with conspiracy theories. Mr. Riches, who was convicted in Houston for his role in an identity theft ring, made international news last month when he filed another lawsuit claiming that Michael Vick stole his pit bulls.
He has filed 40 federal lawsuits since January 2006, including seven this week. And they always manage to string together the latest headlines. Among them:
*That Lebron James, Michael Jordan, Mickey Mantle and other sports figures broke into Watergate, picked on him in high school and fought in the Battle of Hastings in 1066.
*That Barry Bonds used Hank Aaron's bat to crack the Liberty Bell.
*That Larry King is a voodoo witch doctor who stole his identity and used it buy lead paint.
And that's just this summer. The rest are compiled on Wikipedia.

The Neighbor...

I swear my building is like Melrose Place/Wisteria Lane/Dallas. I love living where I do. I also have great neighbors. Nice, quiet, hard working individuals who pick up the paper or a package for you when you are away, etc. A nice quiet neighbor is a blessing. I have often wondered about what these people do. I am not sure I know what the ladies across the hall do. I know one travels a lot. My other neighbor helps manage a café and the other neighbor, whose loft backs up to mine, is a whore. Yes folks I live next to a call girl/prostitute/hoochie/ho-what ever you want to call the world's oldest profession-that is her occupation. I don't care what she does as long as I don't have to hear it going on-if you know what I mean. She has been nothing but nice to me and has been, surprisingly, very quiet. I rarely ever hear a peep from her. I started hearing rumors that she was a "model" which turned to the rumor she was a call girl. I was curious so I went online and found her website(s). Yipes! I now know wayyyyy to much about her! For about 400 bucks an hour you can partake in her companionship. She is in the process of moving out. In a way it is a good thing and in another I will miss having such a quiet neighbor. These days many people do not really get to know the people they are living around. In the good ole days everyone knew each other. Now, not so much. I must say that I am guilty of not knowing my neighbors well and in this instance I wish I had not gone digging around on the internet. Oh well. I just hope my next neighbor will be just as quiet. Let's just hope they aren't a crack dealer

The New Dog Part 3...

On Monday Moses became half the man he used to be. I took Tuesday off to make sure he was ok. He is perfectly fine. He has been sleeping a lot and I have noticed that he is a little more laid back than before. I am hoping that the neuter will eventually calm his barking while I am away. At this point cutting off his balls has only made his bark higher pitched. I got him a larger crate so he has more room. I even purchased a new stereo to help drown out his barking (that and I just wanted a new stereo). This still does not calm the beast. I am still using the "behavior collar" and it does work but not in the beginning. The sadistic little bastard barks right through it for about 5 minutes. I put him in the closet which is further away from my neighbors. The clothes help absorb the sound but only about 10%. I have to put pillows around the kennel and close the closet door and then turn on the stereo. If I don't do this then his bark will most definitely peel pain off the walls. His wark (whine/bark) is so unnerving that it sounds like 1) Ms. Kitty is stabbing him or 2) he is being ass raped or 3) both of these. The sound is horrifying and it can be heard from the third floor-I live on four-I am not kidding! Although it doesn't last long it still breaks my heart. He does not want me to leave and I simply cannot allow him run of the apartment because of his barking. My neighbors have done everything but kill me and I am afraid that might be next. So I have been keeping him in the closet and I have had no complaints. I mean at one point, building management removed him from my apartment and kept him in the office all day. I am not giving up. I am trying to not use the collar as well. It is hard to believe that such a sound can come from a 5 lb animal. When I get home he is thrilled to see me and he seems to forget that he has been in that kennel all day. I take him for his walk and he frolics in the grass. Overall, a happy little fellow-until I leave.

The New Dog Part 2...

It has been 8 days since I acquired Moses. Despite the sound barrier breaking barking issue he has been a blessing in disguise! His separation anxiety is worse than anything I have ever seen! For the most part I fixed the problem. The lady at PetSmart tried to talk me into an animal behaviorist. Um, no. I am not sending my dog to a doggie shrink. Although I wouldn't mind having The Dog Whisperer come and whisper to Moses. If anyone is going to see a shrink on my dime it is going to be me. M'kay!! Anyway, Sunday Ron and I gave Moses a bath. He just stood there and let me bathe him. We then blow-dried him and he didn't mind. After we let him go he ran all over the apartment with much gusto, rubbing his face all over everything. So CUTE! I am an early riser-around 6am. Since I take a shower the night before it takes me less time in the morning to get ready and that only takes 10 minutes since I can wear whatever to work. Now I must get up around 5:30am and take him out to the bathroom. I don't mind really. It gets both of us on a routine. This morning I took him out and when I got back to the apartment I picked him up and said goodbye for the day. Well apparently he stepped in poo outside because I noticed a streak of dog crap on my shirt! I rode all the way to the office with shit on my clothes….nice, real nice. Fortunately I noticed before everyone showed up at the office. I almost decided to go by a new shirt right then and there but I wiped it out with a wet cloth. Nothing like a shitty start to a Tuesday morning.

Ms. Kitty vs. the Boyfriend...

I have had Ms. Kitty for almost 7 years. I found her at the SCPA and just had to have her. I must say that she has been the best pet ever. As she has gotten older (she is about 11 now) I have noticed that she is getting more clingy and needy. She sleeps right next to me near the pillow. She never did this before-always on the foot of the bed. It has been an odd trend in her behavior. Then I met someone early in the year. He is a cool guy and I really like him. Ms. Kitty likes him too. It seems she has taken up the roll of that high school trip chaperone. You know the type….slaps you if you get "to close for comfort." When my man stays over Ms. Kitty turns into that chaperone. Getting between us, climbing on top of both of us, meowing her displeasure every step of the way! It is like she is yelling "STOP IT! HE'S MINE!" She is very protective. Although lately I am concerned about whom she is protecting. Me or him? I mean it is like Ms. Kitty has turned Baptist or something.

The New Dog...

Day 1 8/27

Phillip calls me telling me that he has a dog that needs a home. A friend of his ex-girlfriend has a Yorkshire Terrier that she needed to get rid of. He said he is really cute and really laid back, about a year old. So I get home from work and he brings this super cute Wookie looking creature over. This dog apparently has been passed around but he has a good attitude and is really friendly and laid back. After he leaves I am stuck looking at this creature and vise versa. I picked him up and looked right at him and informed him of the rules of the house.
1. There will be no using the bathroom in my house.
2. Any barking must be kept to a minimum.
3. I know people spoil Yorkies. Do not expect me to spoil you rotten.
a. I will not carry you
b. I will not prepare special meals/table feed you
c. I will not dress you in ridiculous looking costumes
4. Ms. Kitty is the boss around here. Leave her alone and she won't cut you.
5. I will NOT have a dog that bites…period

It seems that he has gotten the message. Although he is incredibly intrigued by Ms. Kitty. She may still cut him….only time will tell. Anyway, I am reluctant to name the dog just yet. Once a name has been produced then there is no turning back.

Day 2 8/28:

The first night went well. Although he did wake me up a few times in the night. Ms. Kitty gets up to use her bathroom and grab a few morsels of Meow Mix before returning back to bed. The sound of her in the litter box freaked puppy out. He barked once and I said NO NO. He looked at me like he understood and refrained from further vocal outbursts. I took him out before heading to the office. He pees, he poos, he is done. Perfect! I was very apprehensive of keeping him in his small crate while away at work. So I decided to set him up in the bathroom. I put a small pillow, blanket, water, a little food, a chew toy, and radio so he could listen to some music (classical). I got home and he was thrilled to see me. He did not use the bathroom at all. I took him outside and he proceeded to pee on everything, marking his territory I am sure. I took him out again before going to bed. Same issue during the middle of the night. He jumped down this time to see what Ms. Kitty was up to. He jumped several times. But when he wanted on the bed he whined like he wanted me to pick him up. NOW WAY! You got up here once; you can do the same again. Surprisingly he is a good jumper as my bed is somewhat tall. He finally settled down and went to sleep. So far so good.
I will be posting pictures and updates before the end of the week!